trying the same thing over and over again
will never work but what am i supposed to do about this fear
i am terrified of leaving this home
this sanctuary of restriction
and drought
i am worried about becoming something that cannot be reversed
your magazine monster
my perfect nightmare
their lives.
you tell me to take these steps and i will be better but what if i take the wrong one?
what if i step out of line one too many times
what if the number keeps getting higher
until the control i used to have fades into a memory.
what if I fall apart again,
what if this time,
I can’t go back.
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